You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2008.
{lots of photos ahead}
a hike at peavy arboretum and a trip to agfest with a friend!
wild lilies
a stop-the-paparazzi moment
bunny’s famous “mad eyes happy mouth” face
daddy love
cute goat
funny donkey
sweet horse
pony petting
nursing piggies!!!
on a horse and carriage ride
riding a tractor
this is a LONG OVERDUE thank-you post for the lovely goodies we got during our little swap.
long overdue because i was waiting to do a double-duty post, thanking erika and showing what we finally got out to her, but after the picnic set debacle, and sending out another parcel that didn’t make it, i am about to send yet another package, and regardless of the outcome, i want to say thanks.
because the girls? loved it!
really, how could you not love a package just for you, with books and pipes and insect catchers and PLAYDOUGH inside???
although erika, you will laugh- their favorite thing was actually the lengths of pipe. my funny girls.
thanks again, and again, and again. what a treat to get to know you.
well, peeps, i’m in the mixtape mood again. as promised, this is a totally lo-fi, no guilt affair- there is no fancy packaging, no song list, no nuthin but some good tunes on a cd and a letter, straight from me to you.
first 25 people to comment on this post get one, and trust me when i tell you i’m a mean mixtaper.
as if i’ve ever had 25 people comment. hee!
not much going on here outwardly- the same cycles of sleeping, waking, eating that are a part of all our lives. some crazy weather that i know you’re all experiencing, too.
a little crocheting has been going on- i picked up my ripple afghan again from when i began it in the initial ripple afghan frenzy that was perpetuated by the popularity of alicia’s. it’s not as nice as hers is, mostly because i managed to change crochet hook sizes inadvertently in the middle, resulting in a big patch of WAY off gauge work, but it is pretty, and warm, and soft, and made out of cashmerino. so really, i’m still loving it. i’m thinking that my next project needs to be the babette. i even bought the magazine when it was on the stands, thinking that i would make it someday. i’m on a knitting hiatus for now, finding the rhythm of crochet really soothing.
i’ve been doing some volunteer photography work for a really wonderful organization called ten rivers food web, and keep meaning to post about it (and more extensively, about my commitment to local food), but i’m either too lazy to do it or sort of feel like the idea has been played out. i’ve read so much about it- books, articles, blogs- i just want to do this one thing well but not remarkably, you know? i just want to do it and not talk about it all the time.
it’s just a part of our lives to not buy bananas, to grow (at least a little of) what we eat, to shop at the farmer’s market and co-op, to support our local farmers. the volunteer project is exciting for me because i’m going to be going out to actually visit the farms in question and bring my vision of them back into the community. but largely i’m doing it because i want to normalize eating locally, both for me and for others in my community. something so elemental shouldn’t be so revolutionary.
other interesting things have been going on even more inwardly, as well. i’ve been thinking a lot about the interconnectedness of spirituality and sustainablity, between religion and responsibility. i grew up a sort of unaffliated type of charismatic baptist, and i’ve never been happy with it. for all its emphasis on jesus there didn’t seem to be much emphasis on god, and for all its show it always felt flimsy. i spent a lot of my twenties as a spiritual seeker, flitting from catholicism to buddhism to new-age pop psychology, and then abandoned it all, thinking that i would never find a perfect fit, and what did it matter anyway?
however, my husband and i both felt a renewed interest after having children- i think there is something about having children of your own that reconnects you to your spiritual self. raising children is so moving, so demanding, so timeless and huge. we also feel the pull to be involved in a spiritual community in a way we had never considered before. hence our short stint at the unitarian church when we were in portland. we’ve considered the unitarian church here, too, but have a lot of the same issues with it that i did with the “religion” of my upbringing.
there’s a lot to think about, and it feels even more personal to talk about my thoughts on religion that it does to reveal my bouts with severe depression. why is that? again, i feel the pull to normalize. to live it, not talk about it (although i guess for me living it does involve talking about it, to some extent). to be able to say that god is just a part of my life, like kale, or singing lullabies, or walking in the rain.
whew. heavy stuff, today. and i thought i didn’t have anything to say.
on a lighter note, my girls are BFF. the adoration has no end. just a couple of days ago, out of nowhere, birdie laid her head on bunny’s chest and said, “love oo!”
and that is a pretty awesome state of normal, if you ask me.
so. am feeling badly about my original school post. after attending again on friday, i have had to swallow my original judgemental fears and rethink the whole thing. here is why:
- totally connected with one of the other moms, more than i have with any mom since i became one.
- found myself genuinely enjoying friday’s class. opening up and chatting with others. this is unprecendented, people.
- teacher was so nice and super accomodating about the gluten thing, and is going to be bringing it to the next teacher’s meeting to increase awareness about celiac for the whole school. um, wow.
uh, yeah. i guess that’s all i have to say about that. not too many points to make this time.
funnily enough, it was also when we went this time how much i realized bunny DOES NOT need this. she is totally happy at home, with her sister (and her sister misses her like crazy when she’s gone). she doesn’t really get anything out of being there, is not particularly impressed by their toys or games or songs. we have toys and games and plenty of singing here (and much of it the same or similar to the waldorf school), so why would she care? the other children are quite a bit younger- not necessarily in age, but in other ways, so she sort of wanders around aimlessly, wanting to interact with the others in a meaningful way but not having the opportunity to.
she did enjoy the puppet show, but that’s about it. i don’t know if a handful of puppet shows is really worth $250. i definitely don’t think she’ll be going to waldorf preschool, which if you ask me is just way too much to ask out of a tiny person, especially when i don’t need for her to be watched or taken off my hands for any reason. four days a week for four hours a day seems like a LOT for a 3 year old.
now, i know that there are plenty of people out there- probably even some people reading this right now- who have their kids in more school, or care, than that, and their kids are happy and fine, but every parent and every child is different. what is right for you may not be right for me or for bunny. in fact, what’s right for bunny may or may not be right for birdie.
yes. so.
to sum up: i loved it. bunny, not so much.
what a turnaround, huh?
and that humble pie? tastes kind of like strawberry rhubarb to me.
as some of you know, we are a one car family. i’m totally happy with this and can’t imagine having two cars! we got rid of our second car about the same time as we had our first child and never looked back. i spent a lot of time on foot, or on MAX, and if we needed to go somewhere in the car, we just waited until we could all go together. when we moved to another city, we needed a second car even less- things here are all within what i would call walking range (i like to walk!). but with two little ones, i was suddenly feeling the need for something that was a little quicker and could hold more groceries than the double stroller. so i started poking around the internets and came across the bakfiet.
the bakfiet is essentially the dutch bicycle answer to the minivan. it can carry one, two, even several kids, plus groceries. it’s stable and easy to ride, and the placement of the kids makes it so you can talk, pass them snacks, whatever. seriously the most awesome thing ever. the girls adore it. birdie took a bit getting used to the helmet, but bunny begs for a ride every day.
we got ours at clever cycles in our old town of choice, which is such a rad store. beautiful lurking in every corner, including a whole line of baskets to trick out your bike (and my super cool sunflower helmet). they are so nice there, too. plus they have lots of other really amazing bikes. even commuter bikes that fold up totally tiny.
the bakfiet is just so well thought out. every detail makes it easy to ride and beautiful. enclosed chain case, walkthrough instep, integral lock (no more chaining up your bike!), three point harnesses for the kiddos, the list goes on and on. it even came with a bell! we added on the cushy seat, which is handmade by a friend of the owners, and the rain cover. because, come on. we live in the northwest.
the bikes are a little pricey, but when you think of it as a replacement for a second car, it seems totally cheap. it’s a very reasonable car price, with no insurance to pay or oil changes to do or gasping with shock every time you fill the tank. plus, think of all the benefits to your health and the environment! we truly love it and i secretly wish for the day when every family will have one.
if you have any other bike-related questions, fire away! i’ll do what i can to answer them. more photos of bakfietsen here.
how did you know when you were done?
did you decide from the beginning- this is the number of kids i want to have? i’m not going to have any at all? i’m not going to think about it and let my lack of birth control decide for me?
i’m one of those people who always wanted children, but never really had a suitable partner. after husband and i got married, we nearly immediately decided to have our first- bunny was born three days before our first wedding anniversary.
i started begging for another when bunny was six months old, and husband was the one who (thank goodness!) wanted to wait. just until bunny’s first birthday. we jumped the gun a little bit- we were pregnant by her first birthday. by the time she was the age birdie is now, i was already through the first trimester! in fact, nearly halfway through.
and we said that she would be our last. we even talked about the snip. but the snip didn’t happen, and i find myself wanting another more and more. three seems like such a rough number of kids to have- i grew up with two siblings, and i think in a lot of ways it was tough. four somehow sounds more feasible, and yet i can’t imagine having four. for one thing, even if i got pregnant right away, i’d be having this one at age 34. add another couple of years and that puts me at 36 or older for the fourth.
i was trying to explain to husband how visceral the pull of motherhood is. beyond emotional. there is something completely elemental about wanting to have a baby. i know that plenty of women (my sister included in that group) never have that indescribable feeling, but for those who do, when do you know that it’s the right thing to do and not just biology?
i don’t believe in waiting until it’s “practical” (i.e. you have enough money in the bank, etc) because if we all waited until everything was perfect, no babies would be born! there is always some practical reason that you shouldn’t have another. i AM glad that they would be spaced a little further apart this time. having them 20 months apart was…challenging.
my biggest concern is postnatal depression, which i didn’t have with bunny, but did with the bird. so rough. really, i had just climbed out of it right around birdie’s first birthday. but i also wonder how much of that could have been prevented. we had a lot of stress and transition during her first year- a lot. and i wasn’t eating very well, or getting out much. my major source of support wasn’t really available.
also- i managed to cleverly (mostly) hide it from everyone but my husband. probably not the best idea.
maybe it would be different next time.
of course, it could be worse.
part of wanting another is just- i’m not done having babies. do you know what i mean? as tough as it is in the beginning. i can’t believe i’m never going to be pregnant again, never feel those little flutters again, never give birth again, never hold another newborn in my arms. never watch all those firsts again. the girls are so much fun right now, and i know it will be even more fun as they get older. but it’s…different. no more babies! it breaks my heart.
i know it’s a personal decision. for both husband and i. but i want to know- how did you decide?
(this is one of those times when i’m glad my mom doesn’t read my blog. i think two grandbabies are enough for her! of course, she was horrified every time we told them we were pregnant. maybe if we have another, we won’t tell until the baby is born ;) )
i tried to write another post about school that quickly turned into a thesis paper about education. now i have hardly any time to write this, and so i’m just going to hit the high points:
- bunny and i are going to a parent-toddler class at the local waldorf school.
- it meets once a week for two hours.
- birdie stays home with nana, and bunny and i bike out there (it’s about a 20-30 min ride).
- i hated it.
- bunny was a total angel and super sweet with all of the little children, even though she was a little aggravated there was no one to have a conversation with. she is a bit mature for her age.
- i hated it because everyone knew each other and i was so uncomfortable and felt like i had gone STRAIGHT BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL, where i ate lunch alone at my locker every day with my nose buried in a book because i wanted to look as if i were choosing to eat alone.
- except this time i had knitting instead of a book.
- bunny was just the sweetest thing you could ever imagine.
- i was a total wreck.
- there are a lot of gluten contamination problems in the classroom. the kids make a WHEAT bun during class (clearly bunny did not), and they wash their hands before, but not after. meaning, the whole classroom is basically covered in wheat flour, aka gluten.
- yes, she got sick this weekend.
- when i discussed the gluten thing with her teacher, she said, “here’s my two types of flour [wheat and whole wheat], but i haven’t added the gluten yet!” i had to explain to her that wheat is pretty much gluten with a dash of protein and bran.
- how am i going to continue to go??? when everything is covered in flour??? and the whole program is pretty much all about the baking and stuff???
- i shouldn’t have hated it quite so much because i ran into one of the moms at one of our local nurseries this weekend and she was so incredibly kind and sweet and lovely.
- maybe i’m not a social pariah after all.
- but seriously, how am i going to solve the gluten thing?
to sum up, bunny loved it even though she got sick from it because it feels very special to her. the first group thing we’ve ever done. we don’t even do playdates. this was a huge step for us. i totally freaked out, but am ok now. whew. good thing i had that knitting.
in other news, the bird has four new teeth, bringing the total to…8? i think, we got our raised beds in and planted this weekend, but they are not photogenic, and my next post will be about the bike. all hail the ingenious dutch.
from beginning
to end
do you ever have days that you just think to yourself, i have the most awesome kids ever? i had one of those days today. and you know what, it wasn’t even a particularly good day, or an easy one. but there was still a lot of awesomeness packed into it. many things to laugh over and be thankful for.
their love of nature, their passion for water and sand and earth and fire and cherry blossoms and sticks.
bunny pointing out daffodils, hyacinths, tulips, cherry trees, plum trees, pear trees, dandelions, chickweed, and blackberry bushes on our walk to nana’s. i had no idea she knew so much! singing little made-up songs to herself. telling her sister, in the bath, that they should really can their bathwater for the long, long winter. putting on her straw cowboy hat and “milking” her stuffed animals. telling me that “i just really love you so much, mama.”
birdie announcing everything she does- “i sit!” “i jump!” her funny little lopsided grin, like an upside down elvis snarl. all the new funny little sentences: “re-re-read it, da book!” “bye-bye! la-la-layler!” and my favorite, “la lub you,” her head snuggled up against me. her peals of laughter. her stern look when she is concentrating on something.
it wasn’t a good day. we had a rough, early morning. an unsteady start. lots of things going on and at the end of a very full day, two overtired girls. but it was a good day. a day full of love and beauty and noticing and being together. even just a little bit of good can make every day memorable.
